how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
i think i am going to devote my summer to making my cats internet celebrities
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
No, it's cool, I just bounced from the hospital. I was...talking to a security guard, maybe?
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
You know you had a good night when you wake up cuddling a baseball bat and a can of chicken noodle soup.
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
sitting in a shitty karaoke bar playing pokemon go and drinking a mimosa. how is your sunday night
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
Randomize
