We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
Admitting I go to nursing school is my subtle way of saying, yes, I know every muscle in your penis and how to effectively use them.
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
"can you come pick me up from the ikea parking garage i think i slept here"
Randomize
