Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
College: when you have to set an alarm to start drinking
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Let me tell you how my drug dealer wants me to take his girlfriends little sister to jr prom
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
Just come here quick. I'm home in 3min. It will take you literally less than 5 to walk. Then 2 to undress, 16 to fuck, 2 to dress again and 5 to walk back..!!
exactly 16 eh??
Apparently his ex was into edging and did it to him so much that it takes forever for him to cum
I hate you and your multiple orgasm sexcapades
Randomize
