Even my Mr Clean Magic Eraser can't make last night disappear.
Bret has after-school detention for writing Brianna has a stinky vag on the ground at recess.
just looked at his mug shot... not really my type
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
as soon as his mom opened the door to let me in the house she asked if i would like a shot
it's gonna be a great weekend
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
Randomize
