I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
Randomize
