is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
am i gonna have visuals on this?
you are gonna see the trees puking up fireworks and ninja pheonixes will shit rainbows and fire
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Randomize
