can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Just spread butter on my bathrobe. This has been an ace morning.
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I took an uber home at 6am. Went to Santanas, apparently they don't take american express. So the uber driver bought my burrito. Success!
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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