I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
I'm watching CSI, they found semen in the woman's ear.
Guess she heard her killer coming
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could rewind to my 8th birthday instead. I wanna wake up, eat as much cake as I want, and have a Transformers birthday party without someone judging me.
well his nickname is liver of steel so it makes sense that his balls follow suit. tell him i say sorry
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
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