I think i peed on brittanys purse
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
I just realized my mom and I make the same noises when we have sex. Fuck.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I might have hooked up with a 2003 alumni last night in the basement
Dude you were ten when he graduated
Wahoowaaaaaaa
apparently my new 420 ritual is to look at the clock at 4:20 and realize i'm already too high
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Randomize
