Don't put random dicks in your mouth or any other crevice for that matter... and i'm home in 30 seconds
Wish I got that text last night instead of this morning.
the worst part is we had a camera rolling
Did his mom notice it when she saw u guys?
Yes.
I have to watch that.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
A hefty woman and I mean hefty shoved her number in my pocket at the gym without as much as a hello, winked and kept walking. Going to use your bed to defile her, don't want her to know where I live or have my neighbors see! Thanks, you're a pal!
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
Randomize
