i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
yeah, but I wanna be the girl that makes him realize he's 100% gay
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Just so you know, you called at 2 last night and kept making me tell you that I loved you and then when you got home you thanked me for walking you home. Incase you forgot, I'm still about 200 miles away.
If waffles and beer don't scream "fuck me!" then I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
