Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
You sent me a picture of you licking the bottom of a shoe and the caption was "it tastes like shoe"
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Her roommate was talking on her cell when I came out of the bedroom and I definitely heard her describe how shitty and terrified I looked. Awesome.
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Randomize
