Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
She carries her pencils in a crown royal bag... Need I say more?
God my Facebook chat is a graveyard of old blowjobz
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Cause its not a drunken adventure unless someone ends up in a pool
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
It was all good till you had ppl chasin shots of ciroc with fucking applesauce
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
