I just bought Christian paraphenilia at Borders for my dad's bday. I had the urge to tell them it wasn't mine, like I was buying laxatives or a dildo
Hahahaha. You probably would have been more comfortable buying either of those than what you just bought
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
I'm at a gyno in Japan. Safe to say every possible rule of etiquette is about to be broken. Buckle up, motherfuckers.
Nothing says "First Single Holidays" quite like getting baked with the guy that took your virginity four years ago.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
I just found a reminder in my phone to ask you about your sex life in 7 years. So how is that going?
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Randomize
