I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
i know and i thought i was only capable of loving dick and drugs, im so happy
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
have you ever seen all dogs go to heaven this is important
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
Compositionally, that's actually a really nice picture.
And your penis looks really nice too.
She came out of the bathroom listening to her iPod and crying. Then she started scream 'she will be loved'. She seems to be handling the break up well lol
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
