So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
We all know tonight is going to end like every other night with you. drunk, pantless and confused. Dont try to switch things up.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I'm sitting here bra-less eating jalepeno candied bacon. You know you want this.
Coming.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
Randomize
