So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
Randomize
