Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
omg my older sister has been googling "how do I know if I've had an orgasm?" and "bj tips". the family laptop is not meant for this...
Oh god. There is a bite mark in the bar of soap. Please tell me I was not that wasted.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I'm figuring, since someone shoved pizza crust in my ear last night, there might be some leftover pizza.
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This is what happens when wu tang raised you
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
What's protocol when the 18 year old son of an anti-gay preacher sends you a message on Grindr during church?
You sluts I'm so proud of you. You're both wearing underwear.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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