i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
Our DD will meet us there. The strippers are sending a limo to pick him up. He promised them New Years Eve massages. Said he would still drive us home.
I just almost puked & then I panicked and forced it back down because I thought I would be a waste of the apple turnover I ate.. I'm that hungover
Omg I can't even...
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
Dunno. My heart says "no", my brain says "maybe" and my dick says "YES YES FOR THE LOVE OF GOD YES!!"
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
Randomize
