this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
Drinking, I should not. Got here I don't know. Still drunk, I am. At courtneys.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
I woke up in a tutu and topless. How was your night?
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
These muscle relaxers obviously don't work because I'm harder than a fucking diamond.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
Randomize
