i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
it was like fucking with batman, he had gadgets i never even imagined
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
First Peyton Manning retires, and now the most interesting man in the world is retiring for Dos Equis. This is the worst week of my fucking life.
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
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