Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
I left a bag of circus animal cookies in my car all day. they melted together into on giant cookie. this could either be the best or worst thing ever
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I met a pornstar at his bachelor party and signed his shirt giving him wedding advice
When I watch porn and jerk off like 95% of the time Iron Chef is on in the background...
So much Jack, so little girl.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
COCAINE AND SUSPENSFUL BBC SHOWS DO NOT WORK.
We were peeing side by side on the riverbank together and I felt like nothing brings you closer than drunken riverbank urinating so I caught her a friendship frog to wipe with since we left the tp in the canoe.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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