wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
It was worth having to clean the cum stains out of the carpet.
i told you the emergency thong was a good idea.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
There should be a promo code on the Papa Johns website for "I have no moneys but if you send a cute delivery guy I will pay him in blow jobs."
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
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