3:26am: come over
you purposely dodge me and you could have stopped me from leaving, you know how far i live. YOU come over
4:11am: mnlodp
dude I don't understand hebrew and I'm not coming over
Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
Imagine how different my life would be if I could find a man who gave me more pleasure than pizza at 2am when I'm drunk.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
Randomize
