he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
two words...techno handjob
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
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