oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
i made two phi delts show me their dicks in less than 30 words! Take that twitter!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
i'm not the one sitting naked in my room playing with my boobs and a cat.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Walmart at night is scary enough without having to run into people you've slept with
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I need to calm my uterus...
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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