The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
Get over here. It's an emergency. Just realized I haven't hd my mouth on a penis in two weeks. Get over here.
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Randomize
