Do you think "I had sex with my co-worker last night I don't think I can come in today" is a good excuse?
I just spent the last hour reading customer reviews on amazon.com for the book "it hurts when I poop." Send help.
there should be a rule against ugly people hooking up.
yeah...but then what would the ugly people do? hook up with pretty people? yeahhh..don't see that happening in the near future. plus i'm not okay with that.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
She just used a turkey baster to transfer alcohol from the glass to the bottle. Just thought you should know
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
We never leave a bad bitch behind. its a party foul..we'll find you somehow
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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