Should I ask him to prom mid fuck? That way he has to say yes.
i bet even starving children in Africa take the crust off their poptarts
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
we need to find that guy that whips out his cock at the bar again
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
The only people who really get me are strippers and mascots for sports teams.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
Feel weird saying this on Facebook, but a dildo collecting demigod sounds like somebody I'd at least hang with for a minute.
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