I thidmdmk you'gre a special person
I look better un-naked...
I wish I loved anything like you love Tequila.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Listen to my proposal.... I feed you crackers while I fuck you ever so gently.
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
He was tied up with the electrical tape and force fed wine from a box. It was never going to end well.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
He has the fingertips of a God
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