Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Fire inspection over. Blunts are OK
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
At one point, you closed your eyes and asked me which 'six flags' we were at
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
You grabbed my shirt and said, "hope you're not attached" and ripped it off before I could answer you.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
My fart just smelled like the inside of white castle, I mean spot on, no difference whatsoever.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Dude on the shuttle bus eating a Butterfinger and watch porn on his phone and doesn’t give a fuck who knows
We need to get on his level
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