So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I don't know how many crown and cokes he went through but I know it was more that I have fingers. We are never leaving Texas.
yea i thought the egg drop soup tasted weirdly like cum, and then i suddenly remembered what happened last night.
i'm never eating chinese again.
I like to keep a steady black out going for the holidays. I feel it makes me less cynical
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
I’m making a jello mold of my penis
Will it be as disappointing as your actual penis?
Want to go to Victoria’s Secret? His fiancée is out of town and I’m going to try and stop the wedding with lingerie and lots adventurous sex
Absolutely! I love a good sexual filibuster!
Randomize
