my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
I just conducted a skype meeting drunk and in the middle of a cornfield. I don't even think they noticed.
I'm sure we could go all project runway on our diapers and create some flattering absorbent thongs. We could do it on the Boat. Call it project rumway.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
I think i should either cut my hair or buy a dildo.
its the 14th virginity that counts the most anayways
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
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