I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
You were so drunk that you didn't even notice when I switched out your shot of jäger for a shot of maple syrup...before or after you drank it.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
i spent most of my hangover doing the math to figure out the last of the alcohol would be metabolized from my system.
thank you pre-med degree.
I refuse to fake an orgasm. If I'm dating him, he better work for that shit.
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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