i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
Your drunk self managed to not pee on anyone's bed
Go me
I'm actually proud
I didn't really understand how big 10 inches is. Now I know.
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