Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
Update: That guy is no longer in the restroom, so he's probably not dead.
they saw the dick pic he sent and started calling him 'subway'
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
