im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Now I'm obligated to stay and cuddle with her because the condom broke. Fuck.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
Randomize
