It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I asked him if he wanted a pillow, and he replied "No. Batman never had pillows."
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
