Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
My mom was talking about how protein is essential to strong bones and then I told her, I'll give you protein.
How unfortunate for your Mom.
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
Just found out I reached my $2500 deductible and I have a $5 million dollar cap on my health insurance. Let's get drunk and do something recklessly stupid tonight.
Drunk roommate walked in on us and asked if we wanted to go eat a sandwich with her in the bathroom.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
