So I went into my gym pretty wasted and asked the trainer guy if i could order a cock meat sandwich. Needless to say, I'm canceling my membership tomorrow.
she pooed on me. she actually pooed on me.
Michelle and I recorded her bunny humping it's little rubber black ball.
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
She made me add her as a friend on fb before she got into my bed... I sense a stalker
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Yes, I did know where her mouth had been, but frankly I think it was a lesson you needed to learn.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
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