shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
my "about me" section on Facebook should read "hell-bound alcoholic who wants to fuck a 40-year-old crackhead"
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Thanksgiving break drinking is a marathon, not a sprint, and i need to be well rested
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
He's a waiter, looks 15, and told me he loved me after only talking to me for 30 minutes. I told him I wanted a margarita. We got 3 free pitchers. I may have to make this our regular Wednesday night hangout.
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Randomize
