Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
just watched a girl laugh at her own fingers... it's not even noon...
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
Just wrote the directions to get to the girls house im hooking up with on the back of my marriage certificate. Officially worst husband ever.
So squirting runs in the family.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I just had to remind myself that I'm visible in real life. Sitting in the car in a parking lot, and almost took my shirt off because the tag is itchy and I wanted it off... and you know I don't wear bras...
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
