you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
i dont care if i have to wear a pillow case, there will be an open bar at my wedding
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
I drank mimosas and played bocce ball in the middle of finals week...now i know how Comm majors feel all the time.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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