Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
As im putting my laundry in the machine, i find a solo cup and a pong ball that i signed babe ruth
I wish there was a classy way to show off your boobs.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
Its like drunk me is Oprah except instead of a car everyone's award is seeing my boobs
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
Woke up with a padlock locked onto my ear gauge and the first of many sticky note clues on my chest leading to the key.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
Randomize
