You dropped me off at the wrong girl's house.
There's no such thing as a "wrong girl" make it happen.
alright see you in the morning.
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Can't wait to hear which one of you won the 'fuck a bigger geek' contest last night. Queen Amidala vs Lara Croft. See you at breakfast.
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
While I appreciate the pity sex (seriously, THANK YOU) we should not do it 3feet away from my ex when he's passed out next time. Awkward.
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
My concern for you and peanut butter is the reason I am still awake.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
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