I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
i'll talk to you in three hours when you've stopped foaming at the mouth and your eyes have rolled back into place
Chugging this bottle of Jim at the airport is proving more difficult than I imagined. TSA is not amused.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
not only did I call my ex crying but drunk me also deleted the phone log so I had no warning when I saw him in class
Randomize
