I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
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I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
Had to belly crawl across the floor to the toilet with my eyes closed to puke my life out without making my hangover worse. Three times.
Bring enough bail money and little extra for tacos after
So that wine I told you about is vile...
That the stuff you brewed in your dorm closet? Are you actually going to drink it?
Yup. It's drinkable. Might go blind, but I've got to use my chemistry minor for something.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
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Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
My lease is up and I've been thinking, it's only fair that the guys I've fucked in this apartment in the past year help me move. They enjoyed the bed, now help me move it.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
The guy at the liqiour store just said "Wow haven't seen you in awhile, is everything okay?"
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