I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
First order of business is dropping my 9 am gym class. I'm sweating pure vodka.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
That's not a good night. A good night is waking up with no skirt, no money, and the imprint of the edge of the bar on your forehead.
Nothing like playing hide and seek with a state patrol officer early in the morning to get your heart rate up.
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
The alcohol just runs so smoothly thru my veins.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
Randomize
