I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
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You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
I told them I got hit by a car again and now im pretty sure they think im being abused but there was no way in hell the truth was going to fly. Employed people aren't supposed to break their faces in piggy back ride accidents.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
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She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Well anyways I still cant believe I don't remember such a monumental day in history as you showing me your boobs... Jesus
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
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