Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
What changed your mind?
Being sober
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Just told some little girl not to judge me as I brushed my teeth in the target bathroom
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Have you ever had to act sober and talk to an authority figure in a coconut bra? Because it is just as degrading as you would imagine.
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
And then he served me a piece of a brownie on his dick. It tasted amazing. Such a good night!
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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