i feel like im playing gay clue. i have to figure out where i am, who took me home, and what he put in me
Lets start the night off early. Those Coronas arent going to throw themselves up.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
I woke up in Brittany's thong, Tony's shirt, and an oven mitt
Ew. He is mine. We all know that if he has a mid-life crisis and decides to sleep with a student, I AM THAT STUDENT. She's not friends with him on FB. Reassuring.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
Dude come to her party. Someone just took a body shot of rubbing alcohol
By god, his vagina is better looking than mine.
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
