I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
Your sister reminds me of me at her age. Stop her while you can.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
We just shotgunned beers for America
Grandpa got a dui while riding a horse. This is what I need to live up to.
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
I blew him while the canoe was sinking...I think of it as the better version of the titanic
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Congratulations! We have a period
it's 1043 pm. still havent changed out of the shirt i wore last night so at this point i figure i'll go for twosies.
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