Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You were riding my three year old's train yelling, 'I think I can, I think I can!!'
I thought I could.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
She deliberately backed into the homewrecker's whoremobile and yelled ""FOR SPARTA!"
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize