First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
No I just rolled on the floor giggling. I think that's the equivalent to a post sex victory dance.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
