So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
is it wrong that i woudl like to tie u down to the baby changing station using the straps provided?
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
For real, I've been ditched by my boyfriend twice today alone. I fucking shaved for this guy.
Somewhere out there, Gloria Steinem just started to cry.
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Somehow I woke up next to the bouncer who kicked us out of the bar last night...
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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