I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
that cunt stole my fb status. SHE'S NOT THAT FUNNY
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
What are the chances I get my period 2 weeks early just as welcome week starts. My uterus is conspiring with my dead catholic grandma
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
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