we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
The more I throw up, the more I am remembering exactly what I drank last night...in order.
Whats the name of the guy with his hand down my pants?
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
i think i passed out for a few seconds while we were having sex but he didnt notice...
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
