she woke up with a sticky ear
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just saw a midget ride a motorized cooler into the liquor store. i'm gonna follow him home.
I'm quite proud of this turning point from one night stands to giving some guy a BJ to fix my car for free.
Since when does sleeping with your RA not result in free meal swipes? I feel so tricked...
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
yeah we're all naked, and I think we just shaved Chad.
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Randomize
