ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
She used to be a real nice person. Now she's just a dick sucking machine
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Last night you sang a duet with a gay man posing as a straight man posing as nicole kidman; your life lacks neither color nor texture:)
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
it is my last wish that my tale be published posthumously as a warning to anyone thinking of eating burger king at nine am
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
