There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
After she swallowed she let out a hurge burp. No BS. I'm the cock of the walk.
I think you have the wrong number. But at any rate, respect.
And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
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I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
He blew a .19 and then slurred "well I did have some rum cake earlier today officer".
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
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