all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
you kept insisting that i was jake gyllenhaal and you were heath ledger.
She's in the middle of blacking out but is singing Mariah carey songs. Hitting every note.
Its like after 6 beers, the clap doesn't scare me anymore.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
I'm a little nervous about this St. Patty's Day party. Seriously, we're still finding stuff from the Halloween party.
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
I still owe him the card with all the sperm paper cutouts falling out like glitter saying " sorry you can't hold your load. Better luck next time "
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
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